But, when my heart started to behave erratically, racing at over 200 beats a minute and my legs began to swell severely, I began to realize I needed help. I kept telling myself I was fine; I just needed to keep moving because, eventually, it would go away. I was in such a sleep-deprived state that It took this extreme distress to be my wake-up call. When I finally made it to my doctor, he informed me My whole system was in overdrive due to severe sleep deprivation. My heart was not pumping blood efficiently because of the rapid heart rate, and my liver and kidneys were on the verge of failure.

Lack of sleep and an inability to recognize my desperate situation brought about a nervous breakdown. My compulsion to keep moving when clearly I need to rest had me quickly heading toward an early grave. This felt like the end. I had no strength, clarity of mind, or will to get up. I didn’t want to be where I was and didn’t want to stay there, but exhaustion overwhelmed me. Just existing took all of my strength. I was plagued with despair, knowing I was unable to help myself. The doctors were no help; they could tell me what was wrong, but they couldn’t tell me why, and their only solution was to mask the symptoms, not fix the problem. Still, I was numb; I told myself I was being a baby and needed to suck it up. It wasn’t until I had begun to recover a year and a half later that I could look back and realize how bad it had been.

But God had a plan.

I am thankful for my God, who did not leave me in that pit. 2023 is my 20-year anniversary of meeting the Lord and accepting Him as my savior. My faith was strong when this battle began. I was a believer studying for ministry; I loved the Lord with all my heart. I Loved the word of God and was filled with the Holy Spirit. Yet I found myself gasping for air. My spiritual life, from my perspective, was not lacking. I had a regular dialog with God; I prayed in the spirit regularly. I believed the word of God. Still, I fell into complete despair, fighting with all my might to stay out of the pit I saw before me. This looming doom had been threatening for years. I fought with all the tools in my arsenal to escape it. I was seeking the Lord, crying out for help. And, Just before what felt like the bottom falling out from under me, I heard in my spirit let go and be silent. I was sure I misunderstood this direction. I continued to seek the lord for months and heard the same thing. But when I questioned the answer and finally asked God to show me in His word, the Lord led me to the book of Joshua, “Now Joshua had commanded the people, saying, ‘You shall not shout or make any noise with your voice, nor shall a word proceed out of your mouth, until the day I say to you, ‘Shout!’ Then you shall shout” (Joshua 6:10). 

The Lord said to me, Just like Israel marched in silence to take the city of Jericho, I was going to win this battle by being silent and trusting Him to fight for me. I understood that this did not mean I couldn’t speak or pray; I could talk with God, but my job was to rest in his presence, not fight. He led me to trust Him and let Him do the battling. I still prayed through this season, but for a long while, I only prayed in tongues; I knew this was praying out the will of God, and I couldn’t go wrong there. Letting go and being silent was my Idea of the exact opposite of a good battle plan. I had no idea at the time how hard letting go would be or how important that silence was to my recovery. I know now what I did not know then: I had been fighting in my own strength, Giving it to God and then picking it right back up again with worry. This little trick of the devil had me thinking I was giving it to God and standing in faith when, actually, I was toiling. I wasn’t allowing God to do anything; I was carrying it in my own strength. All the while believing that I was doing what I was suppose to and trusting God. I thought turning it over and over in my head would somehow cause a resolution to appear out of the mess I had been rehearsing from every angle. I had burned myself out, and God was about to teach me the art of fighting from a position of rest. In this season, total darkness consumed me; I was blinded by it. The spiritual disciplines that governed my life previously were out of reach. I was so wearied I felt trapped, and all I could muster was God, please help me! Rescue me; I have nothing left! I find it hard to describe the helplessness I felt. I was beaten down, and I felt like I had failed. My twisted perspective was, “At my strongest, I had given it everything and failed. And now? Now, my position was so desperate I would need to have more strength than ever before to be free. How was I going to win while being so weak? However, the truth that God has taught me is that He is strength in Our weakness.

“and He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

They say we all have a fight, flight or freeze response to danger, perceived or actual; we all have a natural response ingrained in us. My response is fight; I won’t instigate a fight, and I have a strong inclination to give grace, but If you come after me, there is only so much I will allow before I fight back. This means I actively engaged in spiritual battle when I recognize The enemy’s attacks. There is no grace for the enemy to come after me or my family. There is nothing wrong with this, but God needed to teach me a better way.  My understanding of how to win was wrong. That being said, being inactive was torture! I knew God was with me, but trusting Him to do it all without my contribution was tough. My head continually said, if fighting with all you have didn’t prevent this mess, how will you ever escape now that you have no strength and are doing nothing? The questions of how and why swirled round and round in my head. But it didn’t matter because I truly couldn’t fight anymore. The Lord was faithful to remind me without fail at the darkest moments that He didn’t lead me here to leave me here. Still, the questions grew louder. I questioned, Where had I fallen short? What did I do to end up here? Where had I failed?

God’s word Promises that He will never leave us or forsake us.” I felt forsaken, but I clung to this promise with a death grip. I knew my life depended on God Coming through. When everything in me only saw hopelessness,  His word would ring through my spirit as a beacon of hope, and a pin drop of light would shine through the darkness. It echoed through me As God faithfully reminded me of His Promises,

“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed”.

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

“ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”

Romans 8:28

Most days, my broken heart and state of despair made these words feel dead and powerless. Still, I knew in my spirit they were the truth, And I refused to allow my feelings to dissuade me from what I knew was true. About halfway through this season, I started to ask a very important question. “ God, why does my life not reflect your word and your promises? I knew this much: God is Not a liar, so there has to be a reason I am struggling and not living in what God promised me. God began to reveal to me that though I knew distantly what the word of God said about the believer, and believed His word to be true. I did not comprehend in my heart the powerful truth of who I am in Christ. I knew the scripture, but I did not comprehend their power. I started to study my Identity in Christ, and things began to change in me. Little by little, I began to break through the lies that held me captive to embrace who God says I am.

One of the many things that God started to build in me is that He calls us Joint heirs with Christ. This is significant because it gives us rightfully access to every Promise.

We are Joint heirs with Christ, and Christ is heir of all things. We can surmise from this that God has withheld nothing from us. As Children of God and heirs, we have been given access to every promise. As believers, we are the heirs, Joint heirs with Christ, and heirs to the promise of Abraham. Have you ever looked at all the promises Covered in our inheritance? If you haven’t, it’s time! Everything is covered: blessing, favor, healing, prosperity, authority, victory, you name it, it is there. You can find this Promise in Deuteronomy 28: 1-14

God Is Not a Liar!

“So that by two unchangeable things [His promise and His oath] in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled [to Him] for refuge would have strong encouragement and indwelling strength to hold tightly to the hope set before us” .

(Hebrews 6:18 AMP)

God’s Promises are non-negotiable. Once issued, It is guaranteed the only “If” in the finished work of God lies in our obedience to His word. He has already established the victory; it is as good as done, but we must take hold of it through faith. The word is filled with God’s Promises to his people. As I learned this, the answers to my question started to form, and I knew they were locked up in knowing the power of our God-given Identity. I continued to ask, “Since God can not lie, and He has promised me all that He has, what am I missing? Why does my life not reflect the promises of God?”. I started to understand that our God-given Identity gives us access to our inheritance, the authority and protection of the Kingdom of Heaven, and the blessing and favor of God. Our Identity is like the fortified walls of an ancient city. It provides a boundary that limits access to the enemy and allows the inhabitants within to thrive.  The Walls of our Identity Provide the strength of Christ in our Lives. Christ is our firm foundation, our cornerstone.

“The Stone Which the Builders rejected has become the chief Cornerstone”

(Ps 118:22)

Did you know the cornerstone, also known as the foundation stone or the setting stone, is the first stone set in the construction of a Foundation? All other stones will be set in reference to this stone. This stone will determine the position of the entire structure. You set a foundation in order to build upon it, Right? No one builds a foundation to leave it empty. The intention is to build a solid structure that provides shelter from storms and enemy attacks. To provide a haven from the world where you can protect your loved ones and build a sustainable life.  Salvation sets the cornerstone for our new life and should determine the direction of our life from that point forward. Our starting point of Christ has determined our direction. The word of God gives us the stones to build our walls. Our responsibility as believers is to intentionally place these stones in reference to our foundation. By doing so, we begin to build walls that give us the ability to defend ourselves against the enemy and retain all that God has promised. God wants us to live an abundant life.  But, without our defensive walls in place, satan can come in to kill, steal, and destroy everything God has given us because we do not have a defensible territory.

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly”

(John 10:10).

I began to intentionally study the Word of God to discover more about my Identity. And He sent me to the book of Nehemiah. In the opening chapter, Nehemiah is grieved when he hears of the walls of Jerusalem being torn down in ruins because the Israelites were in distress and reproach. Nehemiah seeks the king\’s blessing to go to Jerusalem to rebuild the wall, and When Nehemiah enlists Israel to rebuild, he says they will no longer be a reproach.

“Then I said to them, “You see the distress that we are in, how Jerusalem lies waste, and its gates are burned with fire. Come and let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer be a reproach.”

Nehemiah 2:17

When I first read that scripture, It jumped out at me, and I wanted to understand why they were considered a reproach. I started by looking up the definition in webster’s 1828 dictionary; the definition says, ”To charge with a fault in severe language; Shame; infamy; disgrace.” I didn’t understand why the city being in ruin made them a disgrace; they hadn’t torn it down after all. As I dug into these scriptures, I discovered Nehemiah understood something I did not. Those walls were more than just city walls. And the distress of the people was more than just their suffering. Their dilapidated state was not only a reflection of How they saw themselves and evidence that They had not shaken off the Identity of slaves and captives to put on their Identity as God’s people, But it was also a false testament of who God was to all the nations surrounding them. Without these walls, the people and the city of God were unguarded and open to the attacks of the enemy. Any progress they could make in building their homes or storing up wealth and provision was in jeopardy by surrounding enemy nations. These nations could easily come to plunder and steal from them and capture their sons and daughters. The nation of Israel had returned 83 years before Nehemiah inquired of those who had escaped captivity and heard of their distress. They had been set free from captivity and returned to their beloved home. Yet they were still living, beaten down and dejected like the bondage they had come out of. They had left captivity but were still walking around soiled by the bondage of their past.

When we are first saved by the blood of Jesus there is great rejoicing and the freedom of new life. But, if we do not move beyond the joy of being set free and apply that freedom to building ourselves up in the Lord, we fall into the same trap as Israel. We are free, but bondage follows us. Though it had been many years since their return, living in bondage had caused them to forget who they were. No longer were they walking with the confidence and pride of being God’s Chosen people. They saw themselves as less, they saw themselves as mere captives finally free. Instead of grabbing hold of the inheritance of Abraham, they settled for a broken-down city because at least they were free to live in their home. Their perspective caused them to neglect building the wall to protect the city, the Temple, and the people. It caused them to fail to embrace their true identity as the people of God.

In the past, the city had been a beautiful testament to the goodness of God and His faithfulness to provide. Now, it was broken down and in ruin, and no one thought to restore it to glorify their God. It doesn’t make sense to leave themselves vulnerable to enemy attacks for so long. Yet that is exactly what they did, and it is exactly what a large majority of the body of Christ does after salvation. We receive Christ, and many of us begin to build upon our foundation but stop short just like Israel did, leaving ourselves open to attack from the enemy. We leave ourselves unfinished and broken, never thinking to build ourselves up in faith to glorify our God with the testament of the transformation, power, and authority that is possible when we walk in the fullness of His promise. Like Nehemiah Fought to build the walls of Jerusalem to remove the reproach from God, we must fight to build the Walls of our own Identity in Christ.

Christ provides all that we need to have strong defensible walls. Without strong walls, we leave ourselves vulnerable to the attacks of Satan, and rather than being a testament to the goodness of God that draws in the lost, we are instead dejected, broken down, and barely making it. Much like the remnant of israel that had returned to Jerusalem. They failed to build the walls, and the world looked on, saying, “Where is the fruit of this awesome God you speak of? You are supposed to be the chosen people of God. If That’s what I can expect, no, thank you.” All the while, it is not God that has failed to bless us. It is our carelessness to diligently place the stones and build the wall that God has set the foundation for. He has given us all we need for a defensible territory. The territory that will protect us from loss, poverty, and bondage to the enemy. But if we neglect the wall like the returning remnant, we set ourselves up to be beaten down and discouraged. Not because God has forsaken us but because all that we are working for will be easy prey for the enemy.

This is the birthplace of “Called to Rise.” When God whispered in my heart to discover who I am in Christ, I set myself with that purpose in mind. This journey has brought freedom and victory into my life. I have experienced miraculous healing and peace deep within my whole person. The attacks come, but they don’t penetrate the wall God has helped me to establish. My life has become stable, and there is a surety in my spirit of the value I hold. I am no longer tossed around, beaten by life and the intrusive thoughts of self-hatred that had plagued me for as long as I could remember. God has delivered me from one of the most challenging seasons of my life. He has blessed me with healing and set me free from the bondage of my past. He loosed me from things I didn’t even know held me captive. There is a strength within me that I did not know was possible. I am not satisfied with only knowing the truth and living in it. My heart longs to see others set free as well. I believe that the truth of God’s word is intended to set us free.

“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free”

(John 8:32).

The purpose of “Called To Rise” is to do just that. To build the Wall of Identity with the truth of God’s word and set the captive free.

!